you have to choose: penises or morals?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My liver is preforming stress tests.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
