I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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