it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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