i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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