i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
