im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
