yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
