wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
