All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
