If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
