Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
