Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
