We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize