after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
