Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
