yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
