I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
