i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize