theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
