he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
