I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
