I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize