Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Randomize
