just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
