I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
