the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
