I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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