you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
