We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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