is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
