My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You can't special order awesome
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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