I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
