Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
