Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so let's talk penis.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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