ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Floor bacon is actually really good
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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