I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
