you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
