If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize