I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
