grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
