dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
