You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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