He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
time to smoke my breakfast
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
