dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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