Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
