was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
