Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
