Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Define "chronic" masturbator.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
