K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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