I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
