Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
