it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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