forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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