My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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