dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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