My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
