hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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