That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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