I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
