I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
