dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
