oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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