oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
