apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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