can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
